How do I go about dating today? How do I meet people in Calgary? What different services are available to me? What about online dating? Is it too dangerous – what do I look out for? How do I create an interesting profile and attract the right people?
Get these and other questions answered at the Dating after Divorce (and Separation) workshop. Together, we’ll investigate getting back into the single scene after coming out of a relationship. This two-hour workshop is hosted by me, Elizabeth MacInnis, CEO of Real Connections, a New York trained matchmaker and relationship expert.
Dating after Divorce (and Separation) Workshop
Back into the dating scene? Definitely not what you expected when you got married, right? I hear it all the time, “I sure didn’t get married to be divorced.” This situation can happen at any time during our lives, whether we’re in our 20’s or 60’s or on our first, second or more marriage. Who wants to be a statistic? I’m sure you didn’t say to the love of your life, “I just wanted to tell you that in 1, 5, 10 or 20 plus years we’re going to fall out of love and get a divorce and be back on the market.” Yikes…but here you are. Now what?
The “Dating after Divorce” workshop will set you in the right direction. Get the tools to start, or get ready to start, dating again.
Tickets are ONLY $15.00 and must be purchased in advance to secure seating. All proceeds are going to charity!
Tuesday, April 17th, 2012 from 7:00pm to 9:00pm Ramada Hotel downtown in the Okanagan Room.
We do anticipate this to be a sell-out event presented by the Resolve Legal Group. Act now to secure your ticket to this event! Purchase your ticket today:
- Call: 403-229-2364
- Email: cyndy@resolvelegalgroup.com
Get back in the proverbial saddle and start the rest of your life now!
5 tips to get your profile pictures noticed online
“I am an advertisement for a version of myself.” ~David Byrne
It’s important to put the best visual representation of yourself forward. This year would be great! Your profile picture is one of many examples that describe you visually. It’s that first impression that gets you the first date that gets you a second date etc no matter how you met that person.
Thousands of responses to pictures on an online dating site were analyzed. The results provide data that we can learn from about preferences. Interestingly, some preferences are gender specific. Use these points to help you select a profile picture that will get noticed.
- Smile. This one is for both sexes. Both men and women appreciate seeing the other especially for a man.
- Less is more and put your best picture forward. Most people prefer pictures that are clearly self-portraits.
- Be candid. Keep your photo relaxed and natural. People are attracted to snapshots rather than pro shots because they seem more authentic and trustworthy. These pictures, even though carefully selected, help portray the real you.
- Women were most responsive to pictures of men who were looking off camera, not directly into it.
- Men were most responsive to pictures of women at home.
Your profile picture is a visual representation of yourself where you have control. Use that control and be conscious of how you portray yourself. Create and select your picture wisely because who likes sitting in front of someone who doesn’t look like their profile picture.
Surviving Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s is thought of as the most romantic time of the year. Talk about pressure for singles!
This day is promoted by florists and card companies around the nation for adoring couples to lavish affection in a prescribed fashion.
For singletons, there can be an urge to drown sorrows in chocolate and cheesy movies. This year, I encourage a shift towards positive thinking. Here are just a few ideas:
- Celebrate and reflect on the positives in your life right now. Remember for your relationship with someone else to be successful, your relationship with yourself needs to be a success too. Like attracts Like!
- Give yourself love. Celebrate yourself. Take yourself out. Get yourself a treat. Go for a long run. Do what makes you happy because that’s what LOVE is all about.
- Be selfless. Do something good for someone else. Maybe you have some friends who needs childcare tonight, perhaps there is a charity who could use a hand, perhaps there is someone who would benefit from you connecting with them. Helping others is always a feel good situation and so is LOVE! Collect and unite. Gather some single friends and have some fun. Make a group date.
- SURPRISE: proactive attitudes meet other proactive attitudes If you have a drown-in-your-sorrows attitude, then you’re going to meet other people who have drown-in-your sorrows kind of attitude. You have 5 minutes to drown in your sorrows then move on.
- It’s about telling a story on Valentine’s Day; what story do you want to tell? You don’t want to go out, then order in. You can think about nothing or envision that person sharing a great dinner with you.
Whatever you choose to do, honour yourself with positive thoughts and actions.
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Continual Realignment
I often equate having a relationship coach and matchmaker involved in your love live to having a mechanic for your car. Having a professional in your life to provide consultation and help to make adjustments to ensure good working order.
Just like your car, sometimes our relationships need work. Everything from minor tune-ups to major overhauls. Sometimes, the best way to avoid the ‘overhauls’ is to regularly check in for realignments.
Whether you are looking for love, starting to date someone new, or in the depths of a relationship – it’s always a good idea to do check-in.
As I stated in my article, Set a Course for Adventure, setting relationship goals is very important. Once the goals are set, it’s equally important to re-look and adjust as necessary.
After the goal setting, evaluation of your situation can be more easily measured. Evaluate yourself and the situation. If it warrants it, check-in with the other person too. Ask yourself:
- Are you happy?
- Are my current actions and situation moving me towards my chosen destination?
- Do I need to adjust your course?
- Do I need to adjust your destination?
Adjust as necessary. By using the goal setting and continual realignment techniques, your needs and desires will maintain a prominent position in your consciousness. You will find happiness in a future you have both created and condoned.
“A relationship is a living thing. It needs and benefits from the same attention to detail that an artist lavishes on his art.” ~ David Viscott
Keep that Lovin’ Feeling
A client recently asked for ideas about how to keep relationships strong. A simple and straightforward approach to keeping the love alive is to be romantic. Show and tell the person you are with that you love and care about them. It is easy to do. It can be inexpensive. It can be done often.
If you need ideas on getting romantic, pick up “1001 Ways to Be Romantic: More Romantic Than Ever” by Gregory J.P. Godek (2010) from my list of recommended reads. The republished book is packed with a list of reminders and ideas about how to fill every day with romance and supercharge your relationship. An easy browse and quick reference, the book will soon be added to my recommended reads. Godek expands on the basics of roses and chocolates and suggests other creative ways to be romantic.
I particularly liked number 334: “Remove yourself from the electronic and media grid on a regular basis.” This is a great way to truly connect with your partner and yourself. In our hyper-connected world, we’re often consumed with communication and media. By getting off the grid, you can focus on each other.
What are your favourite ways to be romantic?
Looking for Love?
Gift Giving Etiquette for New Relationships
Christmas is a time of giving and receiving – but when you’re in a new relationship, you need to be sensitive to giving an appropriate gift no matter how strongly you feel for this new person. Think about how fun and fresh your relationship is; use these feelings as a guide for a gift.
If you go overboard and buy a very expensive or too personal of a gift, it can create tension and uncomfortable feelings especially if the other person isn’t exactly feeling the same way. Plus you’re setting the bar for gift giving and all other presents would need to superseed the last one.
Here’s a great rule of thumb to follow: if your relationship is less than 3 months old, be extremely careful. This means spending between $50 – $75. Also, always add a “not too serious” card. If your relationship is less than 6 months old, use caution. Spend between $75 to $150 on a present.
There’s nothing like creating memories so the gift of time is an additional bonus. Making cookies or a great dinner to accompany a bottle of your new love’s favourite liqueur or wine will always win you points.
Here are some other ideas for appropriate gift ideas for new relationships:
- Spa gift certificates
- Tickets for a concert or event
- Bouquet of books or cds
- Basket of favourite things such as lotions
Find a gift that will be enjoyed and remembered. It doesn’t have to be too personal. Use what you know about the person to help guide your decision. Keep it fun! If you need to connect to discuss your ideas with me please call and we can discuss it. ENJOY THE SEASON!
Holiday Work Parties – Guidelines
Social opportunities abound during the holidays! Last year I wrote an article entitled: The most social time of the year: polish your party etiquette
It’s time to review the golden party rules when it comes to holiday functions at work.
Most importantly, do not get drunk especially with all the check stops. We’ve all heard the story of the colleague who ended up dancing on the table or some other inebriated and inappropriate display. This is a great way to make an impression – however not exactly one to be proud to share with your mama. Resist the temptation to drink too much and stave off being the gossip at the water cooler.
Another important guideline is to keep it light. Christmas parties are not the time to:
- complain about anything
- plan future projects
- discuss money or wages
- gossip
- cry or argue
- share your personal problems
It is the time to get to know your colleagues on a different level other than work. Ask questions about their interests. Share and laugh about past experiences and accomplishments. Remember to listen and ask questions. Try to listen more than talk.
What would grandma say?
The grandma check is always a good one at work and public functions. If your grandma would be offended by your actions then it’s probably inappropriate, so don’t do it.
- Hooking up – We all want companionship; however your Christmas function isn’t the time or place to start looking for a relationship.
- PDA or Public Displays of Affection – Combine alcohol with loneliness and you get public display of way too much affection. This means you need to keep your hands to yourself – even when your dancing and NOT on someone’s backside.
- Appropriate clothing – I can already hear my grandma. Do dress up, no matter where the event is being hosted, but nothing too revealing for women and nothing too casual for men. Make this a special day. Use the event as an excuse to go out and buy an outfit. It always feels good to wear something new.
- Your date: Remember this person will be a representation of you so be cautious who you decide to bring as a date. This is not a good scenario for a first or even second date. If you want to share your work function with someone, ensure to bring your date up to speed on the type of party. Share your expectations of your date for the event. Provide details about some of your colleagues – who to stay away from and who the key people would be. Give him or her insight into the dress code for the party. All of the above rules apply to your date as well.
Most importantly, enjoy time with friends and colleagues.
Media
Check out my recent interview in the Calgary Journal, Learning Manglish helps women evaluate themselves and their goals.
Tips for Safer Dating
Caution needs to be taken in everything you do and especially when it comes to love because it’s such a sensitive subject. Exercise caution whenever you are meeting someone for the first time. Here are 10 precautions that are musts:
- Many singles chat too much before meeting. No more than 3 or 4 emails and 1 phone conversation, then meet this person.
- The telephone is a hazard. Spend no more than 5/10 minutes on the phone. Set the date and get off the phone. Avoid wanting to phone screen.
- Use your cell phone. It’s less likely that additional information can be gleaned from your cell phone. Do not use your home or work number.
- Google ‘em that is if you haven’t met him through Real Connections. An active, upstanding and contributing member of society should have some presence on the internet. This isn’t a deal breaker, but if you find positive information about your interest here – it’s a good sign. If there is negative info, then perhaps you can strike this potential off the list.
- Do not give out personal information such as home numbers, address, work and especially never speak about your children’s personal information. Do not share your last name and the name(s) of your child(ren).
- First dates need to be set Sunday’s to Thursdays. Friday and Saturdays are 2nd plus dates and will always be longer.
- On the first date, never get into a car even if you are a man or if you feel really comfortable. If you’ve been drinking take a cab…you can even share it.
- Meet in an open and public place. No need for dinner on the first date. Just coffee or a glass of wine. Stick to this rule – no matter how much time you’ve spent talking on the phone or chatting.
- Tell someone close to you or leave a note with details about where you are going and who you are meeting.
- Spend no more than 1 to 2 hours with someone you have just met no matter how much fun you’re having or how attractive he or she is or how comfortable you feel. Remember to be cautious. If it’s your soul mate – you will have ample time to figure that out in the future.
Remember – these are just guidelines. Trust your spidey senses – if it doesn’t feel right, don’t take the chance. If you’re feeling uneasy – call me and we can chat about your individual experiences. Better to check things out in advance and be safe, so you can enjoy your date!
